What can I do when my child says “I did not hear you” yet was next to me? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is incredibly frustrating when your child, who is standing right beside you, claims they did not hear what you just said. You might feel a sense of disbelief or even irritation. How could they not have heard you? However, this situation often has less to do with their hearing and more to do with patterns of attention, connection, and emotional readiness. The goal is to shift from a place of accusation to one of curiosity, asking, ‘What is stopping you from listening right now?’ 

Understand “Selective Hearing” 

A child’s brain processes attention differently from an adult’s. When they are focused on something stimulating, such as play, a screen, or a daydream, their ability to register external sounds genuinely decreases. They are not necessarily lying when they say they did not hear you; they may simply not have processed your words. Recognising this helps you to approach the problem with a calm strategy rather than with anger. 

Ensure Attention Before You Speak 

Before giving any instruction, make sure your child is truly engaged with you. Avoid speaking while they are looking away or doing something else. 

• Move close to them. 

• Gently touch their shoulder or say their name once. 

• Wait until they look at you. 

• Then, speak your message clearly and briefly. 

A calm, direct approach helps to prevent the excuse of not hearing because your child is now consciously aware that you are speaking to them. This practice builds attentive listening into a habit. 

Keep Your Instructions Clear and Brief 

Long explanations can easily blur the main message. Keep your instructions short and to the point: ‘Please put your shoes away now.’ It is best to avoid adding emotional layers like, ‘I have told you a hundred times…,’ as this can make your child focus on your tone rather than your words. Calm clarity increases compliance far more effectively than repetition. 

Maintain Your Boundaries Calmly 

If ‘I did not hear you’ becomes a repeated tactic for avoidance, respond with steadiness, not irritation. 

• ‘I know you did not mean to ignore me, but when I speak, it is your job to listen.’ 

• ‘Even if you miss what I say, I will still expect the task to be done.’ 

By following through on this boundary, your quiet consistency teaches accountability without hostility. Children learn that not hearing does not remove their responsibility. 

Make Listening a Positive Habit 

You can turn attentive listening into a skill-building activity rather than a battle. Play short ‘listening games,’ like ‘Simon Says,’ to reinforce attention in a fun way. It is also important to praise the moments when your child responds promptly: ‘I love how you listened the first time.’ Positive reinforcement makes listening feel rewarding instead of stressful. 

Your child’s inattentiveness is not always defiance; often, it is a result of distraction, habit, or a lack of structure. By calmly ensuring you have their attention before speaking, simplifying your words, and maintaining gentle accountability, you teach the deeper lesson of respect for communication itself. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that listening is a sacred act, not merely a social courtesy. It reflects humility, respect, and awareness, which are qualities that build harmony in families and strengthen one’s relationship with Allah Almighty. 

Listening with Awareness in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 37: 

‘Indeed, in this there is a realisation for those who have a heart, and those who pay attention, whilst they are (attentively) observant.‘ 

This verse reminds us that true listening is more than just hearing sounds; it is about being present in heart and mind. When children drift into distraction, they are missing this spiritual depth of attentiveness. As parents, guiding them to listen with presence mirrors what Allah Almighty praises: awareness, mindfulness, and respect for communication. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Manner of Full Attention 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our little ones and respect to our elders.’ 

This hadith teaches us that listening attentively is a part of showing mercy and recognising the rights of others, including the right of each person to be heard and respected. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ always gave his full attention to those who spoke to him. He would turn his whole body to face them, listen patiently, and respond with kindness. When we model that level of attentiveness, our children learn that listening is a form of respect, not a burden. 

Each time you slow down to engage your child before speaking, you are not just improving their obedience; you are teaching them beautiful manners (adab) and presence of heart. Your calm approach becomes the example they will one day mirror in their own relationships. 

Over time, your child will realise that listening is not something they are forced to do, but something that deepens their connection with you. The home can become a place where words are not wasted, where voices are heard with care, and where communication reflects faith in practice. 

As you persist in your patient guidance, your calm voice will gain its power, your child’s excuses will fade, and mutual respect will grow stronger. For a Muslim parent, this is not just about behaviour management; it is about nurturing souls that listen with attention, respond with sincerity, and honour every word as a trust from Allah Almighty.