How to Parent with Softness When You Are Overstimulated 

Parenting Perspective 

Emotional overstimulation and sensory overwhelm are the struggles which are invisible, especially for parents constantly surrounded by noise, mess, physical demands, and the never-ending need to ‘be available.’ When you are touched out, even a small hand on your arm can feel like too much. You still love your child deeply, but your nervous system is sending out quiet alarms: ‘I need space. I need stillness. I need silence.’ 

The goal is not to suppress this reality, instead it is to parent from within it, gently and honestly, while safeguarding both your wellbeing and your connection with your child. 

What Parenting with Softness Can Look Like When You Are Maxed Out 

Name your need without guilt

Children benefit from hearing language around boundaries, especially when it is calm and kind. You might say: 

• ‘I love you, and my body needs some quiet right now.’ 

• ‘My heart feels full. Let us sit together without talking for a little while.’ 

This lets your child stay close to you emotionally, even when you need physical or mental space. 

Use non-verbal comfort

When words feel like too much, or hugs feel overwhelming, try: 

• Sitting side-by-side, knees touching 

• Holding their drawing while making eye contact 

• Offering a shared blanket and inviting them under it, even without cuddling 

These offer closeness without overstimulating your system. 

Create a visual boundary cue.

A physical object (like a soft cushion, a blanket, or a hand on your heart) can be a gentle signal. Over time, your child learns: ‘When Mummy holds that cushion, it means she is calming her body, not rejecting me.’ 

Preserve softness through tone, not volume

You can whisper instead of speak. Slow down your words and breathe while talking. A slow, steady tone soothes both of you, no energy burst required. 

When overstimulation strikes, softness is not about being endlessly available. It is about staying emotionally present, even when physically limited. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the reality of our limitations and reminds us that gentleness is not just a tool for others, but a mercy we extend to ourselves. In parenting, the choice to be soft when everything inside feels tense is an act of spiritual discipline. 

A Reminder to Forgive, Enjoin, and Turn Away 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), verse 199: 

“(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions, and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.”  

This three-part instruction reflects a parenting ethic too which is to forgive yourself for your limits. Encourage goodness in your child. And step away from reacting to inner chaos with outer harshness. 

The Prophetic Model: The Love of Gentleness 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Verily, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.” 

[Musnad Ahmad, 23906] 

When you feel overwhelmed, but still respond with restraint, when you honour your body’s cues without lashing out, you are embodying the gentleness Allah loves. That does not mean that you are not failing. Instead, you are parenting with spiritual courage under pressure.